2011 was without a doubt a whirlwind of emotions, moments, and events I’ll never forget.

This year was the hardest year I’ve ever gone through. I lost myself then found me again, then took the wrong turn, and now I’m back on the right route. My strength and will power were tested along with my relationships and family. There were times I thought I wouldn’t make it to next morning and times of ecstasy.

This year was like trying to find the perfect outfit in a whole new wardrobe … Full of indecisiveness and second thoughts … Throwing clothes on the floor yet trying to maintain some sort of organization. Long story short it was pure insanity.

This year I had my daughter Sophia at 18… It wasn’t necessarily in my 10 year plan but i would never go back. She’s a blessing NEVER a mistake. Most importantly she’s my daughter and I can’t imagine life without her. I faced hardships with my family but thanks to gods good ways the wounds are on their way to healing. I went back to school and working because I have no choice, I’m no longer the priority, Sophia is. She needs a future and I expect her to maintain a lifestyle only I can provide. I got hit by a car an almost got my life taken away from me with a blink of an eye, but was saved by a push. People came in and out of my life and i finally narrowed it down and kicked out those who are irrelevant and kept those who keep me in good spirit. And the hardest part of all… This year I lost the most important person in my life, my grandfather. A stab in the heart that I never saw coming. The pain still lingers on and guilt is still sitting on my shoulder but that’s permanent.

I have become a whole new person for both the good and the bad. Since I lost my grandfather I realized theres no other greater pain in the world I could ever feel so it as if I turned cold hearted. Yes it gave me a thicker skin but sometimes you need vulnerability and that way I’ve lost. I’ve learned you can’t trust anybody and you can’t fear anything. You have to be ready for everything and expect to get stabbed in the back by people you thought would always be there. It’s nothing against you, it’s just the way life is. Don’t be scared just face it. It’s fucking life it’s meant to happen. I’ve learned dwelling will get you no where and so does crying. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself do something about your sorrow, your tears won’t do shit to fix it.

However on the brighter side I’ve learned to love and love with everything I have. that comes with everything in life not just relationships. And if something’s worth fighting for, fight till your last breath. Life is so precious and every moment does count! I’ve learned the you have to be open to change and help. I used to deny help because I had too much pride and not only that but I was scared. I was scared that there was actually someone out there who cared enough to help me change my bad habits. Ive learned the meaning of patience and you need a great deal of it.

In so many ways I’ve become stronger and more independent. But at the same time I’ve become dependent in some ways and lost control… Trust me it’s not something I’m proud of. But I’m coming into 2012 with open arms and an open heart. I’m ready for it… Are you?